09 June 2011

Somewhere in the middle.

Mixed feelings is how I feel about being home.
I've been trying to write something about it but I couldn't and still can't. But I will try.
Too many things to say. Or not a thing to say. Somewhere in between.
Yeah, it's good to be home, see your friends and family, eat good food and actually move around in cars.
But there is a lot more to it now than just that.
Cairo is a mess, to be honest. I am not saying I don't like it, I am just saying it's a mess. But then again it has always been one, and somehow it works for her.
But this is a new mess, a fresh mess that none of us is used to it. 
The thing is, I can't help but feel like some kind of observer, looking at all that from some kind of distance that is living abroad. Because yeah, it's true, at the end of the day I am going back to Paris in two months, I am not staying through the whole thing, I wasn't there through the whole thing and I can't do anything about it. 
Maybe it's a good thing to have distance from the mess, to be able to see things a little bit more clearly, without being too involved in the details that can very much exhaust you and cloud your vision. But then again, I am very much involved in the details of everything, not necessarily by choice, but yeah I am very very much involved in the details. 
So, where do I stand now? Somewhere between too close and too far, somewhere between an observer and a participant, somewhere between Cairo and Paris. Somewhere in the middle. 

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